Miley Cyrus – We Can’t Stop

I really hate to get on the hate train…especially when it comes to Miley Cyrus. I’ll admit that I’ve never been a fan, but hating on Miley has always been a trend that I just found…ridiculous. I do remember a time when I vehemently defended her for being a young girl struggling to find her own identity while growing up in front of the entire world; half of which wants to see her put on a blonde wig and sing kiddy pop tunes, and the other half that just wants to throw shade and see her crash and burn. That’s not an easy juxtaposition for a 16 year old girl to deal with.

Well, Miley is a girl no more. She is a full grown woman, looking to reinvent herself with her new song, We Can’t Stop. And this is finally when I can get on board with the hate train. Seriously, is this the worst song ever? Probably not, but it’s damn close. There’s just so much wrong with this song. SO MUCH! Where do I even begin to pull apart this train wreck?

For one, lets start with the song itself. Miley never had the strongest voice, but her unique tone is clearly effective when used on the right song. This is not that song. Here, her weak, hollow vocals have been run through so much processing and auto-filtering that we’re left with a lifeless whisper that just seems to fade into the background.

At least it has a catchy beat, right? Well….no. What exactly is this hot mess of a beat supposed to be? A down-tempo club banger? An party rocking ballad? It moves entirely too slow to be a dance track, but it’s lyrics about the party animal lifestyle just don’t suit the ballad like BPM. It’s a confused mess of bass and lackluster production that just sounds…awkward.

But at least we’ve discovered Miley’s true talent; songwriting. With such genius lines like “La da da da di, we like to party, dancing with Miley,” its crystal clear that this woman is the muse of our generation. Unfortunately, with a music video full of what is wrong with facebook, it seems that she really is this generation’s icon. Here, we see Miley twerking, duck facing it up, flashing gang signs, and generally acting like a trashier version of Ke$ha. Yeah…its possible.

I…I’m just at a loss for words. This is just so bad. We Can’t Stop is a song that simply has no redeeming qualities. It’s not catchy, it’s not fun, it’s not even pleasant to listen to. But you know….I guess it’s just Miley being Miley?

Final Score: 0/5

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