Afrojack – As Your Friend (ft. Chris Brown)

Ever wonder why Mario is always eating mushrooms and rescuing princesses? Afrojack asks this question in his latest single, As Your Friend. This dance floor banger plays out like what would happen if Mario overdosed on ecstasy and got lost at a rave. How does that not sound like the most awesome thing ever!? Well, add in Chris Brown’s featured vocals, an overdose of autotune, and layers upon layers of “wtf” over-production, and the results are more akin to what a goomba looks like when jumped upon. Trust me…it ain’t pretty.
The song starts out harmless enough. Sure, Chris Brown sounds more annoying than usual under several layers of autotune, but the chorus’s techno beat initially works. Also, the “I woke up as your friend” hook somehow manages to stealth attack its way into landing a direct hit. However, once the song hits the 1:30 mark, Mario goes down the wrong pipe into a rave with a madman at the DJ Booth.
The song samples Mario’s jumping and coin collecting sounds, but arranges them in the single most painful cacophony of noise I’ve ever heard in a dance song! Yes, it is seriously painful to listen to. What does that say considering the popularity of dubstep!? It is by no means pleasant, cool, or even remotely dance-able.
Oh, but it gets worse. Is that a faint voice in the background continually saying “I’m’a fuck that pussy!?”
 Why yes…yes it is. Add in some terrible vocal effects, and play the hook enough times that it becomes irritating, and you have the one thing that no DJ wants. This is the song that makes the dancefloor stop dancing until the next song comes on.
I know that Afrojack is capable of making some solid dance tunes, and this is actually a pretty cool concept. But wow, man….how did it go so wrong? You know it’s bad when a European DJ gets shown up by a Teen Nick made for TV movie. The Wonder Girls made Mario-step work. What’s your excuse, Afrojack?
Final Score: 0/5

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